7/8/07 Seeing the light...

Ten days on from her operation and little Connie is not so little - her head now sees over the stable door and she's itching to get into some wider fields! She is well muscled from all that pirouetting around the box, sound, with the leg fully weightbearing. Everyone is so pleased. "..A million times better than I expected.. " said one visitor, who was not known to exagerate beforehand...

So Connie is growing up, feeling good and ready to get out and face the world. Looking into the light....

I think Mouse has felt the brunt of her exuberance - a scar on her shoulder that could only have come from a nip of those baby teeth, and tenderness on her sides from a kick perhaps? Why are children so tough on their parents?!

Mouse will be well pleased to be out too.. no-one told her that motherhood could be like this either. She has been so unlucky, yet losing the foal would not have been easy for her either. It may not be long until they come home - one more X-Ray. What a responsibility for me to take on though...

26/7/07 Yet another milestone...

Yesterday Connie had the big op – removing the plate and screws. This felt even more nerveracking than the first as we have come so far. It came out well - I even have them as a keepsake. It was actually very pleasing to see the Xray with the join healed over so well. So now it is the long wait to see how the other tissues recover and how well they will work together.

Interestingly the vets still talk about her chances of 'survival' which feels quite negative, but it is a reflection of the tough job they have in their field where such decisions are being taken every day. It was lovely to see how pleased all the staff at Rossdale's were to see them again and I guess it is a refelction of the sense of hope that she brings with her having made such good progress so far.

Other than that it was broken I have not referred much to the injury, but my good friend and veterinary accupuncture specialist Sue Devereux (author of the best Veterinary book for Horse owners, just republished) described it as 'catastrophic' when she saw the original pictures - I can't quite bring myself to publish them here. But that gives an indication of quite how special this case is...

I found a quote by Marianne Williamson which feels relevant and ties in the importance of making the right decision for Connie all those weeks ago. I knew this little foal wanted its chance, now I am wondering whether in some way she will help others heal. Certainly her story seems to inspire people ...

"..The secret of success is to realize that the crisis on our planet is much larger than just deciding what to do with your own life, and if the system under which we live - the structure of western civilization - begins to collapse because of our selfishness and greed, then it will make no difference whether you have $1 million dollars when the crash comes or just $1.00. The only work that will ultimately bring any good to any of us is the work of contributing to the healing of the world..."

19/7/07 Little things make a BIG difference

Connie is making very good progress and with Sarah Stoneham's guidance has now had her feet trimmed by a specialist farrier and a 'heel extension' has been glued on that will encourage her tendons to develop correctly. It is remarkable to see the leg in a normal position - fully weight bearing - and it gives a renewed sense of energy about her future.

I can only begin to appreciate the depth of their expertise. For instance Mouse & Connie are moved to different surfaces during the day that stimulate the new bone to form. The nutrition and stress levels of Mouse are considered - (she is coping very well). So, day by day, they are making all sorts of little adjustments to their care. It makes up a classic example of systems thinking and holistic management at its best.

When I look back and forward I can see it is a very long journey. The decision was made and now all its consequences are following through. So there is no point in wondering whether I did the right thing or not. However it is good to know that Connies' case, being so groundbreaking, will be part of a veterinary knowledge bank of how foals can heal from similiar injuries. Judging from the other responses I have had, this story is also acting as a trigger for dialogue about some of the broader topics I am introducing, such as positivity, synchronicity, and even complexity. So her story may also have a wider impact than I could ever predict...

For instance Jean Boulton wrote to remind me that one of the central themes in complexity thinking is that large-scale change starts with small, connected events. She added the following quote from William James :

I am done with great things and big plans, great institutions and big success and I am for those tiny invisible, loving human forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many soft rootlets, or like the capillary oozing of water, yet which, if given time, will rend the hardest monuments of pride.

More comments welcome!

13/6/07 Another Milestone

The fracture has a plate with 4 screws – only this week did I discover quite what cutting edge this represents in such a young foal - basically this is a first! The reason the vet took it on was her lightness, being so very young, and that she was still feeding. She likes having her homeopathic remedy - which is sprayed on her muzzle and is now off antibiotics, with the wound site well healed. Amazingly she has never been on pain killers, which is good as they are able to monitor how she is coping more closely.

Even the surgeon says she is a nice foal (and he admits he doesn’t say that often!) Perhaps most surprisingly (for those that know her!) the staff at Newmarket say they have found out Mouse’s soft side and I therefore know they are in good hands. They remain really pleased with her progress, although the odds are still 50-50.

So this week is the next big milestone – today she was put into a 'soft cast' so there is more load on the leg, which is necessary to encourage the new bone to grow. Also the hard cast would tend to rub and cause pressure. However it means that the whole bone is vulnerable as it will not have hardened much, so it could fall apart – almost literally as she puts weight through the operation site. (apologies for the poor scientific content here folks!)

Presuming all goes well she will then move to a specialist foal care unit with Mouse with my old university friend and vet Sarah Stoneham, until the leg is healed well enough for the plate to be removed – it saves her travelling up & down from Sussex again. Your thoughts, prayers, good wishes - whatever, so long as it is positive - for Mouse and Connie are most important of all now, so thank you in anticipation of her getting stronger and stronger from them…..

31/5/07 Surrounded by Healing Energy

31 May 2007 10:32

Connie was X Rayed today and there is some movement of the bone against the plate. It’s now a question of how the young bone stabilises and strengthens around the plate & screws. Because foals grow so rapidly, a frequent change of the cast is necessary, otherwise significant sores could develop. The next is due on Sunday. And of course each intervention requires that both mare and foal are well sedated. Luckily Connie has got into a routine of immediately seeking milk as she comes round...

Overall the surgeon is pleased with progress. Connie has always fed well, never needed painkillers and is incredibly good about all the handling. Equally the patience that Rossdales's showed with my daily calls for an update is remarkable!!

Meanwhile, in parallel to the 'Horspital' work I have been letting people know about the situation and asking them to simply send positive healing thoughts. Holistic vet Nick Thompson immediately sent the appropriate homeopathic remedy to support bone healing, and provided a spray on tincture - after all how can you feed tablets to a foal that only knows how to suckle!

Animal Communicator and healer Margrit Coates has also been instant in her support.

I wrote to her that I even thought I could feel her energy. Then, sitting on a bendy bus in London rather late for work one morning, I was suddenly became aware of this most amazing feeling of peace and calm, deep joy. It was 10.30. I rang her a little later and described the feeling - silence. Then she told me that at 10.32 she had sent me an email telling me she had just been sending healing to Connie - and that was what I was picking up.... Honestly - it's true!!

It was confirmation for me at least of how connected I am with this vulnerable little foal. And it is an interesting demonstration of Rupert Sheldrakes's explanation of morphic resonance !! A most amazing experience.....

28/5/07 Why?

Sorry for the silence – it has not been easy to update anyone these last couple of days....

The morning after the birth the foal’s near foreleg looked odd, we called the vet, decided to Xray, drove them to the surgery, and we were all gutted to see it was a badly fractured pastern bone. Possibly an unfortunate tread by Mouse, although there was no external evidence....

Despite the odds being loaded against a full recovery I decided I have to give her a chance. On Sunday we drove them (in the pouring rain) to Rossdales at Newmarket where little ‘Connie’, at less than 2 days old, underwent 2 hours of surgery to plate and screw the bone together. The operation by Andy Bathe went well, and she is up and feeding well, ‘comfortable’, standing evenly on both legs, but we have the risk of infection or collapse when the cast comes off etc. The odds are 60% against her surviving this stage, and about 10% for being sound enough to be rideable long term... no wonder other foals in this situation are simply put down.

Already she seems to be a tough little thing - and she needs to be. They stay at Newmarket for 3 – 4 weeks, so please add them to your prayers & blessings.

As a postscript, it is maybe helpful to add at this point that this little horse was always bred with the intention that she would stay with me for life, a friend whether she competes, is rideable or whatever, a mother if it feels right in time. She is Oskar’s aunt and Mouse's foal - her connection to earth... There are some fun stories about how Mouse let us know she wanted a foal and chose the stallion.... And since she conceived first time against the odds... with frozen semen from a stallion who died the week previously, perhap these stories need adding. However, in summary, this little foal is special to me and has a home for life.

25 May at 11.35pm...

I had the rare joy of seeing Mouse’s bay filly foal born late on Friday night, a text book birth. The vet popped around at the news (he lives just up the road and, after all, he had created this moment in a certain way, eleven and a half months previously….)

Everything looked so perfect. Mouse was quite transformed and so good with her foal. Not a muscle moving as the foal fumbled around trying to sort out standing and then feeding.

We tiptoed away to watch on a monitor until the foal was feeding, finally going home at c.2am